Akatsukitties: Reborn, Revised, Redeemed
by Mayumara
Summary: "Let it never be said that Fate lacks a sense of humor." Members of the Akatsuki, defeated in their realm, have been offered a second chance in a new one. They get more than they bargained for on many different levels, from kittens to romance to rebellion in the City of Masks. Ships: Dei/OC, Saso/OC, Mada/OC. Some canon-divergence. Semi-rewrite of an old fanfic. Rating may change.
1. Prologue

**A/N:**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Naruto: Shippuden, or the Akatsuki. I do, however, own this fanfic and the OCs included within it.**

**My name is Jordan, and 8 years ago, I wrote a fanfiction called Akatsukitties (following the popular trend) that I then posted on a friend's account. (Valkyrie0Magma, AKA 'Zek') **

**In a weird burst of nostalgia, I recently went back and looked at that story…and it's bad. Really bad. So, in a similar strange burst of nostalgia and inspiration, I decided to see if I could make it better…and things began to get out of hand from there.**

**If you've read the original, welcome back! If you haven't, you're not missing much and I hope you like the story for what it is. **

**More notes at the bottom. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Prologue**

"_Do you ever despise the fate which you were granted?" _

Itachi Uchiha blinked, suddenly aware as though awoken from sleep. The voice seemed to echo in his mind and all around him, drifting in an endless void of white. His body wouldn't move; only his voice was able to work.

"Who are you?"

_"All I desire is an answer to my question: Do you despise the fate which you were granted? A lifetime of manipulations and failures, nearly destroying everything that you sought to protect. Forced to die, twice, for a cause you didn't believe in."_

Ah. That explained the void and the memory loss then.

"I came to terms with it. I know my failings better than anyone. I can only hope I did enough to make them right in the end."

_"But do you despise it?"_

"To some extent. But as you've said, I'm already dead. I don't see much left to be done about the fact."

_"I see."_ A pause for a moment, eerily silent in the void.

_"So, you are saying…you would refuse a second chance?"_

* * *

"The hell do you mean by 'second chance,' hm?" Deidara narrowed his eyes suspiciously, trying to move in the void but unable to do so.

_"A chance to live again. To share your art with the world, properly and without limits. To get to live a proper lifespan…you died so very young, after all. Perhaps normally for your world, but nonetheless…"_

"I went out with a bang. The way I wanted to, un! Why would I be dissatisfied with that?"

_"Because in the end, it was meaningless. The only witnesses did not die and did not care. Was that really what you wanted?"_

The scowl deepened. "I…no. Guess not."

_"I thought so…"_

* * *

"Are you saying you would offer a, 'second chance,' at life?" Kakuzu rumbled in a low voice.

_"Indeed I would."_

"Nothing is free. What do you get out of it?"

_"Ah, you're asking the right questions. Clever one. What do I get out of it? Simple. I get entertainment. I get a good story."_

"A good story." More of a statement than a question. Skeptical. The voice sounded downright amused at the fact.

_"You were all such interesting characters. I hate when interesting characters meet unfortunate ends before they can truly reach their potential. So very wasteful..."_

* * *

"Characters in a story, huh? You've got a pretty sick outlook on us in that case." Kisame chuckled. "I'd say my story is pretty well-finished by now. Though I must admit, I'm curious. What does this second chance entail? I'm not too keen on just, reliving the same path again."

_"Nothing of that sort. Placement in a new realm. In some senses, similar to your own. In others, very different. You would be unknown to those there. Able to start fresh. Live an honest life, a quiet life if you desire. A chance to truly _prove _that you're, what was it, not so horrible?"_

The thought was tempting, Kisame had to admit. The fighting and killing were sometimes enjoyable, but had mostly just grown to be tiring after spending his entire life doing it. One could only handle so much betrayal in a lifetime and he'd had his fill.

"That's, admittedly, a generous offer…"

* * *

"…but what's the catch?"

_"Cautious as ever, are we, Sasori?"_

"You don't last as long as I did without being cautious." The red-headed puppeteer's eyes narrowed ever so slightly, though he wasn't sure at what exactly. "You say this is for your own entertainment, but what makes it so entertaining for you?"

_"Limitations. Your powers will, quite frankly, be reduced in this new realm. Chakra doesn't exist in this world, you see, and it will take some time to return to you. Even then, it may not be everything you once had._

"_You, in particular, will find yourself in…a different body, than the one you were accustomed to for so long. Flesh and blood, not wood and gears."_

"There were no gears in my puppet body." Sasori grimaced and the eerie voice seemed to laugh.

_"Nonetheless, my point remains the same. Your abilities would not be what you remember, nor would your body. That is the catch in this scenario, Sasori. If that risk is not appealing to you, you're more than welcome to refuse my offer…"_

* * *

"Now hang on just a second, fucker! The only one who gets to take ANYTHING from me is Lord Jashin, and you are definitely NOT Him!" Hidan was pissed. He'd been pissed off for a long time, down in that pit, and here he was in another place where he couldn't move or see around him. At least now he had his voice back.

_"Ah, Jashin. Of course. His gift is not something that is mine to take. It will remain in the new, restored form that I will grant you."_

That seemed to calm him somewhat, the tension easing though his eyes searched furiously for the source of the voice.

"So you know of Jashin, then? A follower of His, perhaps?"

_"Yes, and no. It matters little. You of all that I choose have the most to lose from rejecting my offer. The others will simply remain in the Pure Land…but you will be dragged back into that pit to remain until your flesh and brain have finally decayed to nothing but shriveled scraps."_

"Alright, alright, I get it. You don't have to fucking twist my arm anymore, I don't wanna end up back in that shitty pit." Was there a note of desperation to his voice? Surely not.

"But what the hell do you mean by 'Others?'"

_"Others whose tales were not…satisfying. Others who, I believe, could have earned a much better fate than the one they received…"_

* * *

"So you're asking for members of the Akatsuki, specifically? Interesting. Then how, pray tell, do I fit into the picture?" Madara drawled, sounding almost bored. He didn't even bother to search the void, sure he wouldn't be able to find anything.

_"You were a part of them. Lurking in the shadows of a mind, watching and waiting and whispering for your chance and your goals to come to fruition. All of it leading up to your plan…a plan that was never truly yours, but a result of cruel manipulation from beings beyond your comprehension."_

He gritted his teeth at that. "That it was. So what is your point?"

_"My point, dearest Madara, is that I'm curious to see what you could be if not twisted into following the will of another. If you're able to better interact with those that your protégé commanded, but directly, not through him."_

"And how do you propose I do that? I highly doubt the Akatsuki would be thrilled to see me, if they had any idea who I am at all. I was responsible for…much."

_"Indeed you were. Which is why you would have to lie a little bit longer."_

Shimmering in front of him was a sudden bursts of color. Gleaming threads, shimmering and weaving and swirling into the shape of…

Madara Uchiha couldn't help but laugh, a rare sound that echoed from somewhere deep in his core at the familiar one-eyed swirling pattern.

"Clever. I take it that's what you meant by my 'waiting and whispering?'"

_"You saw through his eyes. I believe you can keep up the act as well as any…especially as he has already refused my call."_

"A shame, but understandable. Very well. I'm curious to see how this game of yours plays out.

* * *

To seven different souls, a voice whispered a final question:

"_Do we have a deal?"_

And seven different souls gave their single answer:

"_Yes."_

* * *

Yume Hoshimoto didn't expect today to be anything special. She woke up at the usual time, grumbling her displeasure at the sound of birds and the light streaming through the window. She pulled on her clothes, ran a comb through her hair and trudged her way down to the kitchen.

Her friends and roommates, Shizuka and Haruka, were already up and about. Shizuka chewing through an apple and skimming through her notebook of designs, Haruka with a mug of coffee in one hand and a piece of toast in her mouth, flipping through the channels on the TV screen.

"Morning, sleepyhead." She chirped with a smile, then immediately scrambled to grab her toast as it fell, splattering coffee on her shirt as she did.

"Oh…"

"Nice move, Haruka." Shizuka said with a slight smirk, her eyes following Yume as she staggered her way towards the still fresh coffeepot in a downright zombie-like state.

"You know you wouldn't feel so shitty in the morning if you didn't stay up til three playing video games."

"Whatever, _moooommm_." Yume drawled with a roll of her eyes, her older friend laughing as she filled up a mug and took a swig, followed by grimacing and proceeding to drown the coffee even further with creamer and sugar.

Haruka, meanwhile, gave up on her clumsy attempts at dabbing the coffee from her shirt with a napkin while once again holding her toast in her mouth. Surrendering to the hopeless endeavor, she set the mug on the coffee table (where it likely should have been to begin with) and went to change.

Halfway up the stairs, the doorbell rang. Shizuka and Yume both glanced towards it quizzically, Yume turning to shout up to Haruka.

"Haruka, are you expecting anyone?"

"Nope!" Her voice echoed down just before the sound of her door shutting signaled that she was out of the conversation. Yume shrugged and turned to Shizuka, who was already back to her sketches.

"How about you, Shizuka? A bit early for visitors. Are you getting some new supplies in?"

"Not until later this week. It's probably your last one-night stand come to beg you back."

"Oh, ugh, it better not be!" Yume groaned, storming over to the door with her mug still in hand, flinging it open.

"Okay, if this is about last Thursday, I told you, it wasn't anything—"

Nobody was standing there and she broke off. The streets were empty, other than an early-morning jogger down the block glancing her way for the shouting.

"…this better not be a fucking prank. If you're out here, you'd better step up and say something, I have a mug of hot liquid and I WILL throw it in your face! It's way too early to go around pranking or robbing pe—EEP!" The twenty-year-old tried to warn, but nearly tripped and fell down the steps herself when her foot hit a box.

Immediately from the inside came a chorus of loud, furious meowing and her eyes went wide, staring down. There was a large cardboard box on the steps, with a single note taped to the top: "Free to a good home."

"…Shizuka, your shipment wouldn't have to be kittens, would it?"

"WHAT?"

And from the inside of the box, where the seven former Akatsuki members scrabbled to escape, a voice whispered in their minds one more time as the box was lifted and moved.

"_Let it never be said that Fate lacks a sense of humor. Good luck."_

* * *

**A/N continued:**

**So, to reiterate, this is a sort-of-rewrite of an old bad middle school fanfic, in an attempt to make it something different. It's not a total rewrite. The main similarities will be the characters and pairings, everything else is going to be very different.**

**The OCs are from the first fanfic, but they will behave differently and hopefully be more interesting. One of them (Kagami) will not be present as she belonged to a friend and I wouldn't feel right writing her character on my own. There's going to be more drama, more plot, and while I want it to be lighthearted there will be some more mature plot elements. I'm going with T for now, but may adjust as the story goes on if the swearing and flirting becomes more mature.**

**Some Akatsuki members are going to be absent. This is because I feel they wouldn't be too interested in a 'Second Chance.' Konan and Pein finished their story and probably relish getting some peace. Obito already redeemed himself and got to be with Rin. Zetsu…well, I can't think of any way Zetsu could be used at ALL with the story being what it is. Sorry to fans of them. If they are included, it'll be in flashbacks unless I suddenly decide to add them.**

**And yes, Madara is Tobi in this fanfic. I have an in-universe (albeit very non-canon) explanation, but the main reason is that he was Madara when I was most into Naruto and I would feel odd using Obito. See previous paragraph for more info on that.**

**Anyway! To repeat myself once again: If you're an old reader, welcome back, and I hope you enjoy my new take on an old story! If you're a new reader, hope you enjoy! Updates will likely be sporadic, but I'll try not to let the story die without warning. **

**Zek and Kagami, if you're reading this, I still love you guys. The first story would have never existed without you and neither would this new attempt.**


	2. Year of the Cat

**Let's keep this train a-rolling. The first few chapters will likely be a bit slow while I get used to writing these guys again. The goal is to post a chapter every week, but that may get a bit trickier once my classes start again and I have to focus on those.**

**Thank you everyone who's followed, favorited, reviewed or even just clicked on the story to read. I haven't posted stuff in a long time and it's nice to see people are interested, even if just a tiny bit.**

**I'd like to start naming chapters after song titles…guess I may as well start here. I might toss lyrics into descriptions at some point for fun. Music is a good inspiration for writing.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Year of the Cat**

"Okay, so WHY was there a box of cats at our door? Haruka, were you ordering illicit goods online again?" Shizuka asked, exasperated. Haruka smiled and shook her head.

"I promise I have no idea what you're implying, Shizuka. And no, I didn't order kittens online. That's a terrible way to get kittens."

"And they're all different kinds too…I mean, just look at them. There's no way they're all from a litter, did someone just take a bunch of random cats and throw them into a box?" Yume remarked, examining the group of them.

The largest of the kittens was a deep blue-gray color, emphasis on blue, with thick shaggy fur. Following in size was a dark brown one with strangely colored eyes that were a bit disconcerting to stare at for too long. A lanky black one with long fur sat next to the largest one, looking warily up at the girls outside the box.

The angriest of the group was a sleek silvery one with purple-red eyes that hinted towards some form of albinism, hissing and spitting any time someone reached towards it. A creamy-colored one with long hair and pale blue eyes watched it with something like wry amusement. Next to the cream one was a longer-haired red one that mostly looked bored, or as bored as a kitten could look.

The only one that seemed to behave normally was a marbled black one that had an odd swirled pattern of lighter color on the face. It seemed to be frantically meowing, jumping between trying to climb out of the box and jumping on the fluffy white and yellow one, who responded with a hiss and a swat when he did.

"Could be. They're all acting weird too. Probably some kind of inbred rejects from a breeding farm. Poor things." Shizuka commented, raising an eyebrow at a chorus of mews and hisses from the kittens in response.

_"What the fuck did you just call me you little bitch?! Inbred?! I'll cut out your eyes and feed them to you!" _Hidan hissed in a fury, Kakuzu swatting him upside the head.

_"Idiot. You're only proving their assumptions with your behavior. Though clearly whatever being brought us here has a twisted idea of what a 'new form' entails. I may not have taken the offer if I knew we would be…this."_

_ "I suppose all of us may have gotten the same offer then, hm. Good to see you by the way, Danna. Tobi…not so much." _Deidara remarked, once again swatting away the excitable striped kitten who seemed unable to make up his mind.

_"Oh, but Deidara-senpai, Tobi missed you so much! It was so scary being stuck in the scary void with the scary voice! You must have gone through it too, you could stand to be a little nicer! We have something more in common now, after all!"_

_ "Tobi, I will make sure you die _again _if you don't quit—"_

_ "Cut it out, brat. Those girls are speaking again." _Sasori growled in a warning, Deidara immediately shutting up.

"So, are we planning to keep them, then? I don't know what else we could do with them. The animal shelter isn't open today, and if they were ditched here in a box then it may not be an option in the first place." The tiniest of the three women, Haruka, smiled ever so softly as she reached in and lifted up Tobi up out of the box and into her lap. "And they ARE really cute…I wouldn't mind some cats around the house. I've been thinking of getting one anyway."

"Yeah, but there's seven of them." That was the girl with the tired eyes, looking at her friend with a bemused expression. "I know we're all still single but come on, isn't it a little early in life to turn into crazy cat-ladies?"

"Never too early, Shizuka. Besides, Haruka owns the house. If she wants to keep them, then I guess we keep them." The girl who had carried them inside chimed in with a grin as she reached into the box and began petting Kisame, who instinctively arched his back and purred. Itachi looked at him, amused.

_"What are you doing, Kisame?"_

_ "Gotta admit, Itachi, it feels pretty good. You're missing out."_

_ "Hn."_

"See, Yume knows what she's on about! That's two against one, Shizuka!" Haruka said cheerfully, continuing to pet Tobi as he pawed at her long black hair. Shizuka rolled her eyes and laughed a bit.

"Damn it, I'm outnumbered. Fine, but you two are going to be the ones cleaning out the litter boxes…ugh, we have to go buy supplies now. I didn't want to have to go to town on my day off." Though even Shizuka seemed to not be immune to the charms of kittens, lifting Sasori out of the box and into her lap as he blinked up at her with surprise.

"I can run in and do the shopping if you want, Shizuka." Yume said. She lifted Kisame out of the box and set him on the floor before reaching over to pet the brown kitten. HE promptly growled at her, and she removed her hand quickly. "Well you're a grumpy little guy, aren't ya? Fine, have it your way." She reached for the silver instead and he swiped at her.

"Well, fine then. I'll just…" The black one and the cream one allowed themselves to be lifted out without too much of a fuss, and she set them on the floor next to the large gray. And with that settled, she promptly tipped the box onto its side and dumped the last two out to a chorus of furious yowling.

_"Fucking bitch! What the hell was that for?!"_

_ "You two did threaten her, yeah." _Deidara responded with a chuckle as the Zombie Brothers scrambled up and away from the box. Shizuka had started laughing, but Haruka's jaw dropped open.

"Yume, what the fuck! That's so rude!" It was almost weird hearing such language like that from such a sweet-looking girl, though Yume simply laughed in response.

"Oh, relax, Haruka. Those two weren't going to let me grab them. I can drop the box off at the recycling center while I go shopping." She got to her feet, grabbing the box and beginning to break and fold it as she did. "Let them explore a little bit on their own to settle in. Seems like they're at least partially feral."

"Good point. Hope that's not too much of a problem." Shizuka agreed, setting Sasori down on the ground while Haruka did the same for Tobi.

_"Aww! Tobi liked being held by the nice girl! She keeps me away from all the other meanies!"_

_ "They do have pretty gentle hands if that purple-haired one—Yume, was it?—is anything to go by. I wouldn't mind another light massage." _Kisame grinned while Itachi chuckled and shook his head.

_ "Good to see you haven't changed much, Kisame."_

"Haruka, you wanna come to town with me?" Yume's voice interrupted before their conversation could really begin, and the smaller woman nodded and climbed to her own feet as well.

"Yeah, sounds good. But if I go, we're walking, NOT taking the bike. Got it?"

"Ugh, Haruka, that's so boring!" Yume whined and Haruka placed her hands on her hips, giving her a stern look.

"Nope. But I'll pay for the bus fare if you don't feel like walking all the way. The groceries will go flying off of that death-trap, especially with the way you drive."

"Her name is Comet, thank you very much, and I'll thank you to use her proper name."

"I also can't believe you NAMED the stupid thing…"

The two friends' bickering faded out as coats and purses were grabbed and the door opened and shut behind them. Shizuka smiled slightly, glancing down at the kittens before finally standing up and stretching as she did. There was a loud cracking noise that caused the various felines to jump as she sighed contently.

"Ugh, I needed that…you kitties play nice, I need to finish my work. And my apple." She walked back over to the table located just past the living room, leaving the seven behind.

_"Well. Now that that's over, I think we need to discuss the important thing…mainly, that we're all here for presumably the same reason." _Sasori said, looking over the other six members, his soft voice getting their attention even in kitten form._ "From what Tobi said earlier, it sounds like we've all experienced the same thing."_

_ "More specifically, that we've been given a second chance after death." _Itachi added softly, and there was a brief moment of silence.

_"Not only that, but a second death for some of us, hm."_ Deidara confirmed. _"I know Sasori, Kakuzu, Itachi and myself were all brought back by that Edo Tensei ritual for a while by Danna's former subordinate, along with…who was that skinny guy again, yeah?"_

_"His name was Nagato. He was our Leader's true body, as I learned while working with him…and judging by their absence, he and Konan refused or were excluded from the offer." _Itachi glanced around as he spoke, as though just now noticing their absence.

_ "Pretty sure Konan was running Ame, last I remember. She left after he died."_ Kisame mused thoughtfully. _"I suppose she could still be alive…Zetsu too, come to think of it. They were still around when I bit it."_ He chuckled a bit at the morbid phrasing, though the only one who understood it was a swirly-faced kitty who was keeping his mouth firmly shut on the topic of Konan and Zetsu. _"Though I suppose Tobi was too, and yet here he is…how'd you end up dying?"_

_ "Tobi…Tobi doesn't wanna talk about it!" _Tobi protested nervously, Deidara rolling his eyes at that.

_"Figures, hm. Suppose if Itachi's brat brother survived my ultimate art than you would have too. I swear, you're a damn cockroach."_ Itachi glared at the remark about his brother, but said nothing.

_"I recall Hidan was still buried in those rocks in the Nara Clan forest during that war-time ritual." _Kakuzu mused. _"Suppose his immortality finally ran out then."_

_ "HA! As if, Kakuzu! Lord Jashin never forsake me! That weird fucking voice even said it couldn't take away the rights he's granted me!" _Hidan retorted with a furious hiss, his silvery fur standing upright.

_"Speaking of that voice, I don't suppose any of us figured out what it was?" _Kisame asked, looking over the group and receiving only shrugs in response.

_"Assuming we all heard the message in the box, it seems quite fond of the idea of 'Fate.'" _Sasori commented. _"I never did learn their actual name, though. May as well just call them 'Fate' in the meantime." _The others nodded their assent to that title.

_"So, 'Fate' brought us here for some reason, turned us into cats, and dropped us into a box. Not only that, but we all received word that our chakra would be stripped from us as well for a time." _Kakuzu scowled at the thought.

_"Either way, it seems there isn't much we can do, un. No one here to order us around, and no obvious way to turn ourselves into people. Just stuck here with those girls." _Deidara commented, stretching out lazily as he did. _"I suppose we just need to learn what we can in the meantime about where we are, yeah?"_

_ "I hate to agree with the brat, but he's right." _Sasori said with a sigh. _"For now, let's just play along and see what's in store."_

* * *

Unfortunately, exploring the house proved to be a fruitless endeavor. The doors to any rooms of interest were closed, and reaching underneath to paw around for clues revealed next to nothing. The most they were able to establish was that it was a decently sized house, with each girl seeming to have their own room and an extra one to spare.

Before any attempts could be made to properly break into the rooms, the front door opened as Yume and Haruka returned with bags full of kitten-related supplies, ranging from food to toys to litter boxes.

"Honey, I'm hoooome! Did the kittens behave for you, sweetie?" Yume called out teasingly to Shizuka, who rolled her eyes and set her sketches aside.

"Yeah, they've been pretty quiet. Heard them meowing for a while after you guys left, but they quieted down and started exploring afterwards. Guess they're just getting used to the house."

"Makes sense. They seem pretty adventurous." Haruka chirped, setting her own bags down on the ground. "We'll sort these out later…Yume and I have been talking about names for them. Did you think of any?"

"Oh, damn. That's right, we have to name them." Shizuka grimaced at the thought. She'd never been great at naming things. "I suppose I'll have to think of something. Whatever ones you guys don't wanna name, I can handle."

"I'll go find the kittens then!" Yume said, running off to do just that, although it seemed unnecessary. Upon hearing the commotion, the large group had returned down to the living room, easily rounded up by the three young women.

"Okay, let's see here…how about, I name two, Shizuka names two, Haruka names two, and we all vote on the last one?" Yume suggested, glancing at her friends, both of whom nodded. The kittens looked at one another nervously.

_"What exactly do they mean by naming, hm?" _Deidara asked warily, and Sasori grimaced in response. _"Exactly what it sounds like, brat. They see us as pets, people generally name their pets. Let's just hope it's nothing TOO unpleasant."_

"Okay, so who wants to start? Let's see…" Yume hummed as she looked over the kittens. She closed her eyes and began moving her arm back and forth, pointer finger extended and counting to herself before finally opening them to look and see where she was pointing. Currently, the bulky brown cat was the one under her gaze.

"Okay, let's see…big, brown, grumpy…" She chewed her lip thoughtfully for a moment while Kakuzu braced himself. "Let's go with…Cinnamon!"

"Cinnamon?" Haruka laughed a bit at that as the kittens snickered, Kakuzu simply glaring at the girls. "He's not even the right shade of brown for Cinnamon, Yume."

"I know, but I don't care. It's a cute name. I haven't eaten breakfast yet and damn it, now I REALLY want some cinnamon-sugar pop tarts."

"Then go eat breakfast, you goof! You can name the cats afterwards! I'm not going to go around naming all of our kittens after food!" Shizuka chided, giving her younger friend a playful shove towards the kitchen. Yume grinned right back.

"Okay, fine, but I'm not changing the name." She said cheerfully before turning and walking off to get some real food. Haruka shook her head in amusement

"Cinnamon it is, then. Okay, I'll name…this one's been pretty sweet, so I'll name him." She held out her hand to Tobi, who ran up immediately to investigate it. Deidara sighed in exasperation.

_"Tobi, it's a hand. You've seen them hundreds of times, hm. You've seen this girl's hands most of the morning."_

_ "Yes, but you never know, senpai! It could have changed!" _The hyper ninja cat retorted as he was scratched between the ears. _"And Kisame-senpai was right, this feels really nice!"_

"He has a very cute coat-pattern. The face is a little bit odd though. Haven't really seen a lot of cats with that."

"He looks a little bit like he's wearing a mask." Shizuka agreed, glancing down as Kisame now rubbed against her legs to earn the same attention Tobi was currently receiving. She reluctantly relented, earning a steady purr.

_"You're making that weird fucking noise again, Kisame." _Hidan snapped, though the shark-man (shark-cat?) seemed unfazed. _"It just happens, Hidan. I have no control over it."_

"Got it!" Haruka finally declared, snapping her fingers triumphantly. "I'm gonna name him Batman! Because…well, Batman's cool and he looks like he has a mask."

"Batman isn't THAT cool." Shizuka said, only to be promptly smacked in the head by a packet of pop-tarts. "Hey!"

"You shut your whore mouth! Batman is SO cool!" Yume declared with a dramatic point as she stalked back in from the kitchen, promptly retrieving the pack that she had flung and tearing it open to eat.

_"What the hell is a Batman, hm?" _Deidara asked, giving Tobi a somewhat confused look. The newly dubbed superhero shrugged his shoulders innocently.

_"Tobi doesn't know, but at least I got a cool name!"_

"Okay, so I guess I have to name the next one…shit, I'm bad at names. Um…" Shizuka frowned thoughtfully, looking down at the large blue-gray kitty rubbing against her ankles. "He's…big. So…Big Guy. There. Name done."

_"She wasn't kidding." _Sasori noted dryly while Kisame simply snickered. _"I suppose so, but it's better than Cinnamon."_

_ "I will kill you, Kisame." _Kakuzu growled warningly, but was interrupted when Yume now scooped up Deidara. He stared at her with baleful blue eyes, and she stared right back with her own mismatched ones.

"Let's see…wow, he's super soft. Should I just name him Fluffy?" Deidara's eyes widened in horror at the thought and Shizuka slapped her forehead.

"Yume, I will personally shave your head in your sleep if you unironically name a cat 'Fluffy.'"

"Fine, meanie." Yume stuck her tongue out at that before looking back to Deidara. "Okay, so names having to do with the fluff are out…wow, his eyes are pretty…okay, perfect! How about Periwinkle, because that's kind of his eye color? Plus then we can call him a bunch of cute nicknames like Peri or Winky!"

There was an immediate chorus of delighted meows from the kittens while 'Periwinkle' glared murderously at Yume, who set him down, apparently oblivious to his seething fury.

_"How the hell does Tobi get named for something 'cool' while I get named after a fricking flower, un?!"_

_ "Tobi thinks that it's a lovely name, Periwinkle-senpai!" _Tobi stated cheerfully. Deidara immediately turned his fury onto him as per usual and lunged.

_ "That's it, you're dead!" _

"Hey, hey, no fighting!" Haruka nudged her foot lightly between the two kittens to separate them as Periwinkle flung himself at Batman in a fury, giving just enough of a delay for him to escape his pursuer. She then reached out and pointed towards Itachi, who stiffened with impending dread.

"I'm naming that one Spooks."

"Why Spooks?" Yume asked, tilting her head at the smaller girl who smiled.

"I've always wanted a black cat named Spooks. And his eyes are so dark that it looks like he doesn't even have any. I'd say that's pretty spooky." Haruka said with a satisfied smile, holding him up to show the others what she meant before setting him down when they confirmed her words.

_"She's got an interesting point there, Itachi. I don't think we've ever seen you without your Sharingan activated." _Kakuzu commented thoughtfully when the sleek black cat was placed back on the floor.

_"I know. I haven't been able to activate it. Seems to be one of the 'limitations' that Fate set for us. Perhaps it will return later." _The Uchiha stated, seeming unfazed by the behavior and somewhat amused by the name he'd been given. It was a bit odd for the other former Akatsuki to hear him speak so much, but he seemed at ease with the new circumstances. More than the others were at least.

"Okay, so we've got two left. Shizuka, you have to name the next one, and then we can all three decide on a name for the last one." Yume declared, Shizuka groaning at having to name another one.

"Okay, I'll do…this one. Can I just name him Red?" The green-haired girl questioned as she once again held up Sasori, who glared silently as thought daring her. Haruka shook her head.

"Nope! You wouldn't allow Fluffy, so we're not allowing Red! It has to be a unique name!"

"Okay, fine…" Shizuka studied Sasori for a long moment, suddenly pulling him closer and pressing her nose into his fur in a cuddle that caught him entirely off-guard. That was probably the only reason she didn't get clawed for it. After a moment she pulled away and nodded.

"Cedar. He's red and he smells good so I'm naming him Cedar."

"Yay, I knew you could come up with a name if you wanted to!" Haruka cheered while Yume clapped her hands in dramatic applause. Shizuka laughed and shook her head, setting Cedar back into her lap. "I hate both of you, I hope you know that."

_"As far as names go, I suppose it could have been worse." _Sasori said with a sigh and a shake of his head. _"I could have done without the bizarre sniffing, though."_

"Okay, so the last one is the silver meanie." Yume said, looking at Hidan along with the other two. "So we need to vote on a name for him. I vote 'Butthead.'"

"We're not doing that. Immediate veto." Haruka said, shaking her head. "He's mean but he's probably just a little bit feral. We could name him after one of the Warrior cats?"

"Geez, haven't thought of that series in years…do we even remember any names from that series? I don't remember any silver ones."

"I remember a few, but they were girl cats. And tabbies, for that matter. He's not striped." Haruka said, frowning. "So maybe not that, then. Let's see, what else is silver?"

"Ooh, Tinsel!" Yume suddenly squealed. "Like what we hang up for the holidays! It's pretty and shiny and it gets everywhere like cat hair!"

The other girls were unable to think of a reasonable argument, and so 'Tinsel' was unanimously agreed upon. Hidan just looked confused.

_"The fuck's a 'tinsel?'"_

_ "Apparently something that's pretty, shiny, and gets everywhere." _Kisame chuckled. _"Weren't you listening?"_

_ "That's not what I meant, fish-fuck!" _

As the two began to bicker with the rest watching, Shizuka suddenly snapped her fingers. "Oh, shoot, that's right…they're all boy cats, aren't they? Tomcats can end up with some nasty behavior when they grow up. We'll have to get them fixed at some point. I think there's a Spay/Neuter clinic sometime next month, right?"

The cats all froze, slowly turning their eyes to one another, mouths agape. After a moment of shock, Itachi spoke up somewhat awkwardly.

_"Well. It seems we now have a time limit to regain our normal forms, unless we want…that."_

For the first time since the Akatsuki's founding, they all agreed unanimously.

* * *

**I'm surprised I haven't seen more spay/neuter jokes in Akatsuki Cat fics**** before. Especially seeing as the vast majority would be tomcats. Then again I'm a vet student so I probably just put way too much thought into it.**

**I missed being able to write this much at once. I've had a hard time writing in recent years and it's amazing how fast the words flow out when it's with these characters. I should've gotten back into Fanfiction sooner.**

**Question of the Chapter: I used to do this a lot, and it was fun, so I'm doing it again. This one is mixed with a fun fact: All the Akatsuki members are unique, specific breeds of cat. Can you guess who is what? **

**Here's a hint: No two members share the same breeds, and all the breeds can have a natural color (excluding eyes and Tobi's face marks) matching that of the respective member.**

**Anyway, until next chapter, hope you all have a wonderful week! **


	3. Human Again

**This chapter's pushing it as far as "song title chapter names" go, but screw it, Disney songs count!**

** AngelofKonoha: Whoops! The cream-colored kitty was meant to be Deidara, but somewhere halfway through the chapter I swapped to describing him as "Yellow and white." I guess with the breed and color of said breed I was using for him, they kinda ended up meshed. Also, you got most of the breeds right, so congrats on that! I don't exactly have a prize but still impressive, haha.**

**Cat Breeds:  
Deidara—Ragdoll (Cream Point)  
Itachi—Oriental Longhair (Black)  
Kakuzu—Burmese  
Kisame—Norwegian Forest Cat (Blue)  
Sasori—Somali  
Tobi—Bengal (Charcoal)  
Hidan—Abyssinian (Silver)**

**Anyway, that's about it for this note. More at the bottom; read on!**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Human Again**

It had been a week since the first day and naming incident, and the ninja cats had been doing their best to learn about their circumstances, as well as how the heck they could get back to their normal forms.

The most obvious factor was the unusual technology of the home. They had yet to figure out how to use the computers that Yume and Haruka were frequently using throughout the day, seeing as they were password protected, but the television was usually on and provided some info.

The city was unrecognizable to them by its name— "Suda," it was called—and any imagery was equally foreign. It was clear that Fate had not lied about them being sent to a different world. There seemed to be no shinobi, and a different level of technology than they were used to. Unfortunately, without going outside, it was difficult to truly judge just HOW different that level of technology was.

Not to mention that no progress had been made on returning to their normal forms. Their chakra appeared to be entirely unavailable, which made experimenting much more difficult.

From the girls' point of view, their kittens were extremely strange. Big Guy and Batman seemed to be the only particularly friendly ones, actively seeking affection and, in the case of the latter, playtime. The others were more stand-offish, and while Tinsel was the only highly aggressive one, they behaved in the more aloof manner typical to cats.

They also seemed to fight among themselves frequently. Tinsel, again, was the most hellbent on starting fights with the others, usually with Periwinkle or Cinnamon. Batman seemed to be frequently picked on or threatened by Periwinkle and occasionally some of the others. Big Guy and Spooks were the least interested in getting involved and usually seemed to serve as some sort of mediators.

Unfortunately, from the Akatsuki's end of things, no progress had been made over the past week. They still lacked chakra and had yet to find a way to return to their regular forms. With the time limit of the clinic looming just a few weeks into the distance, it certainly felt like an emergency to them.

None of them knew just how much that was going to change today, though.

As per usual, Shizuka had grabbed her bag and her coat and had headed out the door to her place of work, which from various conversations seemed to involve a lot of designs and choosy customers. Haruka was shut up in her office, taking phone calls and filling out paperwork as was necessary; they still weren't sure what she did. Yume was leaning back on the couch, eyes trained on her laptop screen as she typed away.

Deidara, irritated and bored, hopped up onto the armrest behind her head and looked over her shoulder trying to make sense of the work. To him at least, it all just looked like gibberish. Lines of letters and numbers and symbols that meant absolutely nothing, with the occasional words thrown in.

_"The hell is this? It's like some foreign language, hm."_ Deidara scoffed in annoyance at the sight of it, unsure how anything like that could be useful or worth being focused on. Yume glanced up at him as he mewed and smiled warmly.

"Aw, hey Periwinkle. You feeling lonely or something? You're not usually this friendly." She said simply, reaching up a hand and scratching him lightly. Though irritated with the name, he reluctantly allowed it and hopped down to sit next to her while she worked.

_"You're awfully cuddly today, brat." _Sasori remarked with amusement from where he was perched on one of the armchairs, having been watching the TV screen for anything useful that could help them, though right now it seemed to mostly be on for background noise.

_"Shut up, danna, hm. We've been here a week and haven't figured anything out. If I can at least convince her not to get me 'fixed' then it won't be as terrible." _Deidara retorted.

_ "Ha! Like Blondie has any manhood to worry about losing in the first place!" _Hidan cackled gleefully from the floor, which immediately caused Deidara to bristle and lunge for him. The two were almost immediately caught in a hissing, snarling flurry of fur and claws and Yume immediately shoved the laptop aside and jumped up to stop them.

"Hey, hey! Cut it out! Ugh, the clinic cannot get here soon enough, you two are way too hard to handle." She groaned in frustration, once again forced to pry the two kittens apart, grabbing them firmly by the scruff. As she did that, she suddenly frowned.

"You know, you guys are all looking kinda grungy. Aren't cats supposed to groom themselves? Come to think of it, I don't think I've seen ANY of you do that before." She nibbled her lower lip thoughtfully for a moment as her gaze swept over the group.

_"Grooming? Like licking ourselves?" _Kisame scrunched up his nose a bit at the thought and Itachi grimaced in turn. _"I suppose it would seem odd for cats to not partake in that behavior, seeing as they usually do." _He agreed.

"Is it okay to bathe cats? Because I think you guys could use a bath… HEY, HARUKA!" She shouted down the hall, waiting for a response and then trying again. "HARUKA!"

"WHAT?"

"DO YOU KNOW IF IT'S SAFE TO BATHE CATS?"

"YUME I'M WORKING, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN 'IS IT SAFE TO BATHE CATS?'"

"WILL IT HURT THEM?"

"NOT IF YOU USE SAFE SHAMPOO!"

"OKAY, THANKS!"

The cats just stared incredulously at the shouted conversation which was punctuated finally by the sound of Haruka's office door shutting once again. Yume hummed thoughtfully to herself, considering the fact while petting Deidara. "I don't think we have any shampoo that would be safe to use, but a good rinse with just water can't hurt."

With that decided, she got to her feet and scooped a startled Deidara up into her arms.

_"Hey! Put me down, un!"_

_ "Don't whine, brat. You could use a bath." _Sasori said with some amusement as Yume tucked the fluffy cat against her and went to retrieve the others as well. Eventually, with several trips and far too much time spent chasing after the astonishingly agile kittens, she managed to wrangle all of them into the bathroom.

"Damn it, this better not get infected…" She muttered a bit irritably, grimacing at a rather nasty scratch she retrieved from Tinsel when grabbing him. She currently had the silver cat trapped in a hissing, seething towel burrito of hatred. For her, it was just angry snarling. For the cats, it was a string of filthy language that does not bear repeating in writing.

_ "You brought it on yourself. Idiot." _Kakuzu droned, though he chuckled with dry amusement at his partner's fury. Not for long though, as Yume set Hidan free so that she could apply some peroxide and bandages to the wound. The second that occurred he shot out from underneath it, lunging for Kakuzu who promptly swatted him back and the two began fighting.

"You two cut it out, you're going to hurt each other! Ugh…maybe burning off some energy will make it easier to bathe you." Yume said, glancing down at them and shaking her head a bit. She reached into one of the drawers, grabbing out a few hair ties and beginning to twist her long wavy hair back into braids to keep them out of the way for the upcoming cat spa. Finally satisfied, she walked over and began filling the tub.

_"You two should be careful not to tear yourselves apart too badly. We don't know what kind of medical treatment may be involved in fixing those wounds…perhaps you'll end up having to go for an emergency vet visit and get fixed early." _Kisame suggested with a snicker, and the two cats immediately lunged away from each other, horrified by the thought.

"Okay, that should be a good temperature. And a good amount of water." Yume said, testing it with her hands now that there was roughly an inch of water in the bathtub. "Just enough to rinse you off without making it miserable. Hopefully you guys don't hate it TOO much."

After a few more moments of struggle—how the hell were these kittens so agile?!—she managed to grab hold of Deidara and Tobi. Quickly getting to work, she set them into the tub to begin bathing them only to receive the shock of her life.

Their paws had just barely dipped into the water when there was a sudden POOF! And a burst of white smoke filled the room.

Yume let out a shriek of surprise and flung herself backwards away from the tub, scrambling to her feet frantically. "What the hell?! You guys were a little scruffy but not coated in chalk dust!"

"Oh, Deidara-senpai, look, look! We're not fuzzy kittens anymore! We're us again!"

"I noticed, Tobi. I'm not blind, hm…though right now I wish that I was."

As the smoke cleared, the confused girl's eyes went wide. Standing in the bathtub where once there had been kittens were two men, one with long-blonde hair and a deadpan expression, the other taller with black hair and a mask. Even the remaining kittens seemed to be gaping in shock at the sight before them.

"_What the fuck?! How did they become people?!"_

"_I have to admit, I'm wondering the same thing." _Itachi stated, glancing away abruptly when he realized that…

They were both naked.

Yume stared a moment as it sank in what was going on, then let out a shriek and scrambled out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She stood pressed against it, her eyes wide and her face flushed a bit; it wasn't like she hadn't seen naked men before, but that had always been when she EXPECTED it.

Haruka came running down the hallway from her office at that point, a worried expression on her face when she saw Yume pressed against the door like that.

"Yume! What happened, are you okay?! You were just bathing the kittens and then I heard you start screaming!"

Yume let out a shaky laugh, looking back at the door.

"Yeah, about that…I put them in the water and, well, something weird happened. I'm not really sure how to describe it."

"Something weird…?" Haruka tilted her head slightly in confusion, then reach past her friend and opened the door. She stared silently for a moment, then looked back at Yume.

"Yume, why are there four naked men in the bathroom?"

"Four…wait, four?! I only saw two! Are they multiplying?!" Yume said incredulously and shoved past her friend to stare. Seemed the blonde man and masked man were now accompanied by a redhead, who was staring down at himself with a puzzled expression, and a black-haired man who was currently tying back his long hair and looking at the girls with amusement.

As the girls watched, the masked man gleefully dropped Big Guy and Cinnamon into the water as well, resulting in another poof of white smoke and two more nude men, one covered in stitches and the other one massive and shark-like. He cast a grin to the two girls.

"Like what you see, eh?"

"FUCK!" Yume slammed the door again, sharing an incredulously look with Haruka. "Why the hell are our cats people?! Cats don't turn into people!"

"I guess that explains why they were left on the doorstep…" Haruka remarked, shaking her head. Her cheeks had gone crimson from the sight, not being quite as 'experienced' as Yume was when it came to such things.

A knock came from the bathroom door behind them, followed by a deep, soft voice. Different from the others that had spoken earlier.

"Excuse me…we, borrowed some towels, if that's alright."

Both girls paused at that, exchanging looks, and then turning back to the door.

"Er…yeah, that's fine…I guess…do you guys, wanna explain what the heck is going on?"

"That…may be easier to do on the same side of the door."

Haruka nibbled her lip, thinking it over, and then nodded.

"Alright…we'll open the door and talk in the living room. Yume, can you text Shizuka and ask her to just, get a bunch of men's clothes from Goodwill or something on her way home from work?"

Yume nodded her agreement, and they opened the door once more and led everyone downstairs.

A short while later, they were still admittedly finding it hard not to stare. For one thing, all of the men were admittedly attractive, ranging from the lean long-haired blonde to the muscular, still-shirtless silver haired man who was smirking whenever he noticed them staring. For another, the two tallest among them had traits that even the plastic surgery fanatics in the city would find extreme, between the stitches and the shark traits.

Itachi was the one who finally spoke up, against all odds; it seemed he'd been the one speaking through the door earlier. "I think this situation is, a strange one for all of us involved. My name is Itachi Uchiha, and I would like to apologize for imposing like this. We don't exactly have many options."

"Yeah, no kidding." Yume agreed, snapped out of whatever daydream she'd been having while eyeing the men and trying to be subtle about it. "How the heck did you guys end up as cats on the doorstep anyway?"

"You're not with Masquerade, are you?" Haruka said suddenly, mostly staring at Tobi. He'd been the only one to show up with any semblance of clothes after all, what with the mask and such. He cocked his head to the side innocently.

"Eh? Masquerade? What's that?"

Haruka studied him a moment longer, then shook her head.

"Never mind. Dumb question, you're obviously not from around here anyway. Most people don't really turn into kittens and get dumped in boxes, after all."

"You girls seem to be taking this rather well." Sasori noted, one red eyebrow raised slightly as he absently traced his fingers along the couch. He was human now, not a puppet, and it was both disorienting and fascinating to be able to properly feel the textures of things again. The 'Scorpion' symbol from his heart-piece was still emblazoned on his chest, more of a tattooed reminder than anything else now. "After the initial screaming, at least."

"Well…I feel like it's mostly shock setting in to be honest." Yume said with a slight giggle.

"Anyway, to answer your question…" Kakuzu grumbled. "I believe we're from another world, where we died and were offered a, second chance, by some entity."

The silence grew so thick it could be cut with a knife. The girls stared, waiting for someone to laugh and say "Just kidding!" The men stared back. After a moment, Haruka spoke again.

"That's, um…I suppose I don't have any better explanation for a bunch of strangers showing up in our house as kittens."

Thankfully arriving to save everyone from further painful awkwardness, the front door clicked and opened as Shizuka made her way in, a massive bag being dragged along behind her.

"Honestly, Haruka, I don't know what you guys need all of this clothing stuff for, but…"

She turned, saw the scene in the room, and stared. That seemed to be a common reaction today. Her eyes swept slowly across the room, and then focused in.

"Yume, why are there SEVEN naked men in our living room?"

Yume throw her arms in the air as Haruka, Hidan, Kisame, and Deidara all snickered.

"Why the hell do you guys always blame ME?!"

* * *

**Hmm. Shorter chapter this time. I guess it's a bit of a transition more than anything else. Next one should have a little bit more going on. My classes started this week and that plus the holiday (if you're in the US) have been taking over my mind.**

**Question of the chapter: Favorite video game? Moon: More Friends of Mineral Town was the first video game I ever owned, so I'd probably say that's my number one video game. So excited they're remaking it for the Switch! **

**I'll probably reduce updates to once every two weeks from here on out since I won't have as much time to write going forward. Sorry about that!**

**Thanks again to all who have been reading! I'd love to see some more reviews, but I'm just as happy seeing that people have been clicking the story at all.**

**Until next time~**


	4. Introducing Me

**And here we have some worldbuilding. I like worldbuilding.**

**DragonMoonWolf: The show "Naruto" and its sequels doesn't exist in this setting. The world is sort of an "Earth-but-not-quite" scenario; a lot of stuff is the same (references to Batman and video games and such) but a lot is different (people having naturally vibrant hair, fictional city, plastic surgery, etc.) I thought it'd be more interesting for me to write that way, and hopefully interesting to read as well, though I entirely understand if it's a turn-off.**

**My logic is, the tale of Naruto has ended, and the Akatsuki are aware of that for the most part (nobody but Madara knows the full extent). Most of the drama from fanfics in which they come to Earth comes from finding out that they're going to eventually fail and die, and honestly, I just don't feel like writing that for a second time. I also think writing without a 'bias' towards them on the part of my OCs will make the eventual friendship and romance feel a bit more natural.**

**That was probably more of an answer that was needed, but ah well, chapter time!**

* * *

**Chapter 3: Introducing Me**

"…and that's pretty much what happened." Haruka finished, having repeated the story they were told by the strangers in their house to Shizuka while the others went to put on the clothes that she had retrieved.

Shizuka was pinching the bridge of her nose with her eyes closed, which she had been doing for most of the conversation, and slowly let out a sigh and looked up.

"So we have a bunch of cats that turned into people…and, what? What are we going to do with them? They're apparently from 'another world,' I doubt they know anything about ours, they're going to stand out even in the most intensive Surge crowds…what do we do?"

"We've got a guest room…" Yume spoke up tentatively. "It won't fit seven, but it'll fit some of them…stick the rest in the living room? Or we can bunk in one room together and then they have two more rooms to split between…we could make it work. Or even just, each of us have one of those guys share with us. We're adults, if they promise to behave it'll be fine."

"Space isn't the issue, Yume." Shizuka said with a slight roll of her eyes. "It's that nobody is going to buy their story. What do you think will happen if Enforcers come to call? They don't have papers, IDs, anything. We'll get in trouble for it."

That was a sobering thought, and they all fell silent.

"…we could always just…get them some forgeries." Haruka suggested slyly. "Not like we haven't done it before. Just, get some pictures and names, print out ID cards, sneak some documents into the system that weren't there before."

"That's risky." Shizuka said with a frown. "We've never done it for this many at a time before."

"So, we just take it slow!" Yume said, already perking up a bit at the thought that she'd get to put her computer skills to the test. "Just do one or two at a time, wait a week or so, do another few and so on. Just make sure only the ones with info in the system go out in public for a while, keep the others here."

"Will they agree to that, though?" Shizuka was still hesitant. She wasn't great with people as it was, and having a large group of strangers in the house seemed uncomfortable, not just dangerous.

Yume blinked, then smiled softly and put her hands on her taller friend's shoulders.

"I'm sure they will. You guys made it work for me, remember? I didn't have anywhere to go. These guys don't either. Maybe the circumstances are a little bit different, but the need is the same. We can make this work."

Well, that did it. Shizuka stared for a moment, then sighed and pulled Yume into a hug, startling the youngest of the friends and causing Haruka to smile warmly.

"Fine, damn it. We're already a family of misfits. What's…seven more to the collection?"

"That's the spirit!" Yume said cheerfully, pulling back. "Haruka can go get her camera for the pictures and I'll get to work on the rest. We can explain when they're done changing."

* * *

"Well, we're people again. So what now?" Kisame asked, finally managing to find a shirt in the pile that fit his massive frame and pulling it on. "Man, these clothes are weird."

"You can say that again, hm." Deidara said, looking at his reflection in the guest room's mirror quizzically. "Why does mine have a cat on it?"

"Probably cuz you're a pussy, Blondie!" Hidan said with a cackle, and Sasori had to grab Deidara before he could lunge for the immortal.

"Not that he doesn't deserve it, brat, but let's not get blood on the carpet just yet. We don't exactly know where we are or what to do, so staying here seems to be the best option. I'd rather have our oh-so-gracious hosts not kick us out blind." He said, exasperated, and the bomber grumbled in annoyance and nodded.

"Like I said: Pussy." Hidan repeated, only to get an immediate hard punch upside the head from Kakuzu. "OW! FUCK!"

"That isn't a free pass, moron." Kakuzu growled irritably. Deidara gave him a grin and a thumbs-up, which he ignored. "If they're letting us stay for free, we'll take advantage of it. If not, we'll figure something else out. Surely even without chakra we can deal with three little girls."

"I'd rather it not come to that if possible." Itachi remarked, frowning. It was, disorienting, to not have his sharingan active after so long. But it was also, peaceful. Quiet. It had been a long time since he'd been able to go without it.

"Itachi has a point." Kisame agreed, to no one's surprise. "Let's face it. We all died, we're all here now, we don't have chakra and may never get it back. These might be our best chance at figuring out where we are and what to do."

"Speaking of what to do…what IS our end goal, here?" Sasori asked, tugging lightly on the hem of the long-sleeved shirt he was now wearing. "I don't believe returning to our world is an option. There's nothing really for us there, after all. Do we just…live here?"

"I don't think we have any other choice, hm. Not like we have any way to go home again."

_"You don't."_

For a split second the room around them seemed to vanish, replaced instead by a different vision. A hooded figured with red strings spreading from the sleeves of their cloak, up to weave a tapestry behind them.

And then it was gone and they were all back in the guest room, eyes wide.

"…we…we all saw that, right? Tobi's not seeing things?" Tobi said, a slightly nervous tremor to his voice. For once Deidara didn't snap at him and just nodded numbly.

"…I guess that was the thing that sent us here, un."

"I'd…say that settles that, then." Kakuzu said a bit awkwardly, unsure what to make of the sudden mass hallucination.

"That was disturbing." Sasori said bluntly, but turned to the door, beginning to walk downstairs.

"Eh, where is Sasori-senpai going?" Tobi asked, tilting his head to the side innocently and earning a cold look from the puppeteer.

"To talk to our hosts. We need to learn everything we can about this world if we're going to be living here from now on. I'm not going to wander blindly."

With that being agreed upon as a decent plan of action, they went back downstairs to talk with the owners of the house.

* * *

"So, I think some official introductions are in order, first." Haruka said, clasping her hands together and smiling at them sweetly. It was an odd juxtaposition, the innocent baby-faced smile combined with black lipstick and strangely intense eyes. "We'll all say our names and a few interesting facts about ourselves. Sound fun?"

"Sounds stupid." Deidara grumbled. Tobi, however, lifted his hand and cheered.

"Tobi thinks it sounds fun!"

"Yeah, so it sounds stupid, hm."

"Well, we're doing it anyway." Haruka snapped, momentarily scowling, then returning to her cheerier façade.

"I'll start. My name is Haruka Shirayuri. I'm twenty-five years old, a lawyer, and I own this house. I like gothic Lolita fashion, crime dramas, and tending to my garden."

"Shit, you're twenty-five?! You look like a kid!" Hidan said loudly, and she rolled her eyes.

"Haven't heard that before. Okay, Yume, you go next."

"Oh, right!" The purple-haired girl set up, giving a cheery little wave that was wholly unnecessary but somewhat adorable.

"My name is Yume Hoshimoto. I'm twenty, and I'm a freelance programmer. I like alcohol, video games, and singing. Sometimes all at the same time. Also, driving my motorcycle, which I do not do at the same time." She paused for a moment. "I also like some stuff that I don't think I should mention in polite company." That earned a few snickers from some of the less mature members and Haruka swatted her on the arm.

"Yume you can't just SAY that kind of stuff to people you've just met!"

"Too late, I just did." She stuck her tongue out. "Okay, Shizuka, your turn.

"…do I have to?" It seemed that with the surprise worn off, the taller girl was a bit shy around strangers, having been standing a bit behind her friends and now speaking very quietly. Yume and Haruka both nodded, and she sighed softly.

"…my name is Shizuka Tamashii. I'm twenty-three and a tattoo artist. I like drawing and books." She fell silent again after quickly and quietly saying her introduction, and her ears had gone a bit red at being put on the spot.

"An artist, then?" Sasori and Deidara both looked interested at that and Kisame, Kakuzu, and Hidan all groaned in exasperation, knowing exactly where this was going. Thankfully it seemed Shizuka had no intention of getting into a debate yet, simply nodding quietly as Yume chimed in to rescue her.

"Okay, so we've introduced ourselves. Now it's your turn!"

To nobody's surprise, Tobi was the one who skipped forward with his own frantic, cheerful wave.

"Hi, I'm Tobi! I'm a good boy and it's very nice to meet you!"

There was a slight pause, interrupted only by Deidara's exasperated groan, and then Haruka spoke up again.

"Okay, Tobi…can you tell us something about yourself?" There was a very patient tone to her voice, like an elementary teacher talking to a student who doesn't quite understand the question being asked. Tobi smacked a hand to the front of his mask.

"Oh, duh! Tobi likes Deidara-senpai! And the nice girls for letting us stay here!"

"Suck-up." Yume coughed into her hand and Deidara's death glare to Tobi turned into a snort. Haruka's smile faded ever so slightly, now eyeing the masked man with something like suspicion. Fittingly, the blonde artist decided to speak up next.

"My name is Deidara, hm. I'm nineteen. I'm an S-class shinobi and an artist. I like making my sculptures and explosions. Art is a bang, un!" He grinned broadly at that. Shizuka tilted her head quizzically and Yume spoke up.

"Wait, hang on, you're nineteen? Hell yeah, I'm not the youngest in the house anymore!" She said brightly. "Also, what's a shinobi?"

"It's something from our world." Sasori said quickly, unsure that letting these girls know they were highly wanted missing-nin criminals was a good idea. "I doubt there's any similar job here…I am Sasori. I'm thirty-five and I make puppets."

"Thirty-five? Seriously?!" Haruka stared at that. "And you guys think that I have a baby face? He can't be older than eighteen, like at the most, no way!" The red-head glared at her at that.

"Art is eternal and so am I."

"So are you like, a vampire or something? I mean, you look good for your age. Most guys don't age quite so gracefully in my experience." Yume asked innocently.

"I…what's a vampire? No, no, I'm not a vampire. I'm…" He paused for a moment, suddenly remembering that he was, in fact, not a puppet anymore. "…you know, I'm not really sure how to explain it anymore."

"Not too important anyway." Kisame said with a chuckle. "I'm Kisame Hoshigaki, I'm thirty-three. I like cooked crab, long walks on the beach, and sword-fighting."

"Long walks on the beach? Really? That's a bit cliché." Shizuka murmured softly, her voice a bit hard to hear, and the shark-man just grinned.

"Maybe, but it's true."

"I've never seen you walk along a beach even once, Kisame." Itachi said, exasperated and shaking his head at his partner's teasing expression. "I mentioned my name earlier but I'll say it again. My name is Itachi Uchiha, I'm twenty-one, and I like…" He paused for a moment, thinking. "…traditional cafes. Onigiri. And…dango, I suppose." It had been a long time since he'd been able to enjoy himself with much of anything, after all, so it felt strange saying it.

"Alright, fuckers, my turn next!" Hidan said, swaggering forward and jutting out his chin. "I'm Hidan, I'm twenty-two, I'm an immortal servant to Lord Jashin, and I like ki—OW, fuck, Kakuzu!" The stitched man had punched him in the back of the head, hard. When he turned to glare at him, Kakuzu growled in a low voice, "You idiot, don't make them kick us out."

That gave Hidan pause for once, and as the girls watched them in confusion, he cleared his throat and tried again. "I like…kicking ass. There, that suffice, Kakuzu?" He glared at him and the other man rolled his eyes. Haruka spoke up this time.

"Wait, immortal? How does that…? I know Yume joked about vampires earlier but are YOU a vampire? And what the heck is 'Jashin?'"

Hidan's jaw dropped open and he was about to undoubtedly start on a religious rant while Kisame reached over and covered his mouth.

"Trust me, you don't want to get him started. We'll be listening to him rant for hours." He said with a shake of his head. Kakuzu sighed, and finally gave his piece.

"I'm Kakuzu. I'm ninety-one and—"

"Okay, I'm sorry, WHAT?!" Yume practically shrieked at that, her eyes going wide. "You're HOW old?! Holy hell, does everyone in your world just look insanely freaking young forever?! I was gonna guess forty, how do you all age so gracefully?!"

"—as I was SAYING," Kakuzu said with a glare, choosing not to answer the outburst, "I'm ninety-one years old. I'm a former bounty-hunter and I like old books and money. And not answering stupid intrusive questions."

"Fair enough." Shizuka said quickly, not wanting her younger friend to start a fight with their house guests. "Um…I think…you must have questions for us, right? And we could try to learn more about your world too…to better, translate, I suppose?"

"Seems like a smart idea." Sasori said approvingly. "I'll start this time. Where are we, exactly? Your news channel said it was 'Suba?'"

"Oh! Well, Suba is kind of a city-state more than a city." Yume said thoughtfully. "Basically it's this absolutely massive walled-in city, and then for a few hundred miles or so in every direction there's some smaller scatterings of farms, towns, and people that just don't wanna live here. So it's not quite a country, but it's more than just a city."

"Similar to a Hidden Village, then." Itachi mused, earning confused looks from the girls. "Very well then. What's your question for us?"

"So you guys are all from somewhere else…but you all know each other? Were you guys like, friends, coworkers…?" Haruka asked, and there was immediate laughter from most of the members, surprising them all.

"'Coworkers' is probably an apt way to put it. We worked for an organization called The Akatsuki together, but we didn't exactly 'hang out' a whole lot." Kisame said with a chuckle. "Honestly this is the first time we've all been in a room at the same time in YEARS."

"Huh. Must've been a big organization then." Haruka said, blinking.

"You could say that!" Tobi said cheerfully. "Oh, oh, can Tobi ask a question? What's Masquerade? You asked if Tobi was a part of it, so I want to know what it is!"

The girls exchanged hesitant glances at that, as though worried about speaking out loud. Haruka finally responded once again.

"Masquerade is technically a 'terrorist cell' that the government swears they're hunting down. They tend to make people 'disappear' without much warning, and they have eyes everywhere in public." She said, her eyes cold and her tone a bit darker. "Of course, everyone knows they actually work WITH the people in power, and most people who disappear are dissidents or otherwise considered a threat to our wonderful city's wealthy and powerful government and 'nobles' alike. It's kind of an open-kept secret locally, but other countries think it's a problem that's being dealt with and therefore not a threat."

"Oh…so why would you think Tobi is a part of it?" Tobi asked quizzically, and Haruka gave him a long look. It seemed like she was trying to get a read on him, but wasn't having the easiest time doing so.

"Every member of Masquerade wear masks. Specifically, the masks are surgically fused to their face so they can never be removed. They WANT people to know who the enemy is, because we can't really do anything about it. It's a power play, and if people see one lurking around the corner they're less likely to step out of the perfectly sketched lines laid out for us."

Her voice seemed to be growing louder and more intense with every word that she spoke, and Shizuka placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Haruka. Deep breaths." She cautioned gently, and the shorter woman slowly exhaled and nodded, rearranging her face back to its sweet smile.

"Right. Of course. Sorry for my behavior there, you guys wouldn't really know much about Masquerade so I shouldn't get so heated…but anyway, it's going to be hard for you to wear a mask out in public, so you'll either have to take it off or just stay home or covered all the time. People will get nervous."

"You'll also have to take it off so we can get a picture for the ID cards that I'm making." Yume agreed and Deidara frowned.

"ID cards?"

"Yeah! You can't go out in public without them or you get in trouble. They don't really like letting non-citizens into the city without a tourist pass, so we have to mess with a bunch of stuff so you guys can walk around without getting arrested." She said cheerfully.

Tobi seemed to fidget nervously. "Uh…that's great but Tobi doesn't want to take his mask off! Not even for a picture! Definitely not for a picture!"

"Well, why not?" Shizuka asked, frowning a bit warily at that. Most of the other Akatsuki members were looking at Tobi curiously as well. He never really had explained the mask, they'd just accepted it. Itachi and Kisame were the only ones who knew…or, well, thought they knew.

Thinking fast, Tobi spoke up again. "It's, uh…I have a phobia of people looking at me! So the mask helps!"

"Oh…Scopophobia?" That seemed to be a satisfactory answer to Shizuka and Yume at least, who both nodded, although Haruka didn't seem entirely convinced. The other Akatsuki members seemed uncertain as well, but there wasn't really anything they could do to refute it.

"Okay, so I guess we could put something about it being for a medical purpose…it's pretty different from the Masquerade's masks, so we can make it work." Yume said with a hum. "I can photoshop something together if we need a real face on the card as well…"

Tobi sighed with relief, and Madara had to admit to feeling relieved as well. It seemed no one had picked up on his deception yet, thankfully. He'd always just been watching through Obito's eyes. Putting himself in the role was harder than he had expected.

"Anyway, now we get a question." Shizuka said, growing a bit braver around them. "Yume asked earlier but it was never answered…what exactly are 'Shinobi?'"

There were a few sighs around the room. This was going to be a long conversation.

* * *

**Things are still moving a bit slowly, but I was getting tired of the Questions Game after a little while through it. Ah, well. The girls get to better introduce themselves and explain some of the major points about the setting being used, so that's good.**

**Question of the Chapter: Geez I'm already having a hard time with these…what's your favorite fictional world? Mine is probably Thedas, the Dragon Age setting. I wouldn't want to LIVE there, but I absolutely love the lore and design of the world.**

**Also, do you guys think the story is moving too slowly? I'm anticipating this to be a pretty long fanfic; hell it's probably gonna be at least chapter 10 before any proper plot starts, let alone the actual romance. I'm a sucker for slow burn and casual character interactions, but I can try to speed things up if people are losing interest.**


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